Saturday
Fluffy and Cedric - Bunny Story With a Moral
Fluffy and Cedric - Bunny Story With a Moral
Fluffy, the orphan bunny and Cedric the orphan snake lived in the forest; they were, by an amazing coincidence, both blind from birth.
One morning, bright and early Fluffy was hopping through the forest when he tripped over the body of Cedric who was basking in the sunlit undergrowth. Fluffy landed quite hard on the prostrate body of Cedric.
'Crikey,' exclaimed Fluffy the bunny, 'I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to squash you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what creature I am.'
'That's OK, mate,' commented Cedric the snake. 'Actually my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you and work out what you are, so at least you'll be able to find that out.'
'What a marvellous idea,' replied Fluffy the bunny.
So the Cedric slithered all over Fluffy and said, 'Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit.'
'Oh, thank you, thank you,' cried Fluffy with tremendous pleasure. Then Fluffy the bunny suggested to the snake, 'Perhaps I could be allowed to feel you all over with my paw and help you the same way that you've helped me.'
So Fluffy the bunny felt Cedric the snake all over and summarised, 'Well, you're smooth and slippery, you have a forked tongue and no backbone. I'd say you must be either a team leader or possibly someone in senior management.'
Friday
Thursday
Boob Proof!
After a few pints at the local pub I arrived home and said to my wife, "I never knew this. I am so glad my friends provided me information that can help me more properly use the English language."
She said, "What are you talking about?"
I said, "There is a right way and a wrong way to pronounce Oklahoma!
The Proper Way is: ‘ Okla . . Homa’
There’s a pause between the ‘a’ and the ‘h’."
She said, "No way!"
I said, "I can prove it!"
So I took her to the pub to meet my new friend.
.
.
.
and that's when the fight started...
Taking Action
A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management-training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions.
"For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"
The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."
"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping."
Pop Quiz
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”
Tom says: “I would switch one train to another track.”
“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.
“Then I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there”, answers Tom.
“What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.
“Then,” Tom continued, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”
“What if the phone was busy?”
“In that case,” Tom argued, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station”.
“What if that had been vandalized?”
“Oh well,” said Tom, “in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo”.
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”
“Because he’s never seen a train crash.”
Punctuation is powerful!
An English professor wrote the words:
"A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his
students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful!
"A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his
students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful!
1981 & 2005 - two interesting years!
Interesting Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died
Interesting Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died
Lesson Learned : The next time Charles gets married....Please someone warn the Pope !!!
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died
Interesting Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died
Lesson Learned : The next time Charles gets married....Please someone warn the Pope !!!
Anything I want!
The other day I came home and was greeted by my wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet ropes. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So, I tied her up and went fishing.
and that's when the fight started...
Wednesday
Does Management know their Staff?
On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the company noticed a
young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.
He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question,
he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and
gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working,
not for standing around looking pretty!
Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that
applies to everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man I
just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"
The Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
The Bacon tree
Two guys are lost in the desert. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden one of them (Mark) says, "Hey Dave, do you smell what I smell. It's bacon, I think."
"Yeah Mark, it sure smells like bacon."
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There is fried bacon, double smoked bacon, Canadian bacon; every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Dave, Dave, we are saved. It's a bacon tree."
"Mark, maybe it's a mirage? We are in the desert don't forget."
"Dave, since when did you ever hear of a mirage that smells like bacon? It's no mirage, it's a bacon tree."
And with that, Mark staggers towards the tree. He gets to within five feet, with Dave crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Mark drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Dave with his dying breath, "Dave, go back man, you were right, it's not a bacon tree!"
"Mark, Mark my friend, what is it?"
"Dave it's not a bacon tree; it's, it's, it's, a ham bush!"
"Yeah Mark, it sure smells like bacon."
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There is fried bacon, double smoked bacon, Canadian bacon; every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Dave, Dave, we are saved. It's a bacon tree."
"Mark, maybe it's a mirage? We are in the desert don't forget."
"Dave, since when did you ever hear of a mirage that smells like bacon? It's no mirage, it's a bacon tree."
And with that, Mark staggers towards the tree. He gets to within five feet, with Dave crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Mark drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Dave with his dying breath, "Dave, go back man, you were right, it's not a bacon tree!"
"Mark, Mark my friend, what is it?"
"Dave it's not a bacon tree; it's, it's, it's, a ham bush!"
Tuesday
Dancing with the Stars 2010 Lineup - Pamela Anderson
I hope Pamela wins, just so we can see the outfits she'll be wearing!
Pamela Anderson
The veteran actress/ model/ Borat abduction target, Former Baywatch Star, Pamel is 42.
The veteran actress/ model/ Borat abduction target, Former Baywatch Star, Pamel is 42.
She will be adding a lot to the show. One way or another!
Nicole Scherzinger
Best known as the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls, the 31-year-old Scherzinger would seem to have a natural advantage on "DWTS" due to her extensive singing/dancing work.
Best known as the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls, the 31-year-old Scherzinger would seem to have a natural advantage on "DWTS" due to her extensive singing/dancing work.
Kate Gosselin
The newly divorced reality star and mother of eight, Kate, 34,
The newly divorced reality star and mother of eight, Kate, 34,
Chad Ochocinco
Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco.
Shannen Doherty
Like former co-stars Jennie Garth and Ian Ziering before her, "Beverly Hills, 90210" alum Shannen Doherty, is 38.
Like former co-stars Jennie Garth and Ian Ziering before her, "Beverly Hills, 90210" alum Shannen Doherty, is 38.
Evan Lysacek
At the just-concluded Winter Olympics, this 24-year-old figure skater took home the gold.
At the just-concluded Winter Olympics, this 24-year-old figure skater took home the gold.
Erin Andrews
Long beloved by sports fans for her brains, beauty and sideline-reporting skills.
Long beloved by sports fans for her brains, beauty and sideline-reporting skills.
Buzz Aldrin
The original moonwalker, Aldrin was on the historic Apollo 11 mission and accompanied Neil Armstrong as they set foot on the moon. Now, he's 80 years old
The original moonwalker, Aldrin was on the historic Apollo 11 mission and accompanied Neil Armstrong as they set foot on the moon. Now, he's 80 years old
Aiden Turner
Best known for his role as Aidan Devane on "All My Children," f
Best known for his role as Aidan Devane on "All My Children," f
Niecy Nash
40-year-old comic actress.
40-year-old comic actress.
Jake Pavelka
"The Bachelor."
"The Bachelor."
Monday
Stopping by the Office One Day
Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.
Who's the Boss?
The next day, he brought a small sign that
Read:
"I'm the Boss!"
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
" Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
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